RamG: Winning at Love All

RamG: Winning at Love All 635 454 ramgi@user

I just spent two traumatic weeks in Rajagiri hospital in Cochin.This time I was not the chief guest of the proceedings. It was my dad who was admitted there with cardiac failure. He was brought to the hospital with a urinary tract infection but with further examination,his doctor had to immediately  place him in the ICU. I am extremely close to my parents. My father has been an inspiration to me all my life, having instilled in me a love for science through many experiments conducted at home and also having ignited my sense of humour by reading out and translating P G Wodehouse stories into Malayalam for me at a very young age. It was from him that I learned the importance of tenacity and people skills through relationship building. I have learned the art of converting every downturn into a success by observing him. He was always a larger-than-life figure for me. My mother, on the other hand, is the epitome of love. With her, I share an amazingly easy relationship. As a sickly child, I spent many nights struggling for breath. It was my mother who kept vigil all night, warming my chest with hot towels and cleaning me up, sometimes a dozen times in 24 hours after bouts of vomiting. Over the last few years, I realised that the best way to keep them happy is by calling them every single day and speaking to them at length, sharing in their daily lives. I would call them every day at around 8.30 and speak to them till 9.15. With my dad, I would discuss my speaking assignments, my science magazine, my plans for touching a million lives positively, about our startup, etc. With my mom, it is a completely different story. We would talk about inane stuff and end up laughing non-stop for about 20-25 minutes. One call with my parents and I would end up getting inspired, getting enveloped in love, getting my daily dose of advice that would lighten my heart. So when dad went through a near fatal crisis, it was a huge shock. But I was lucky that the flexibility in all my different activities allowed me time to spend 12 days in the hospital along with mom, looking after dad. Meeting him twice a day in the ICU for the first five days, and motivating him. Once he got into the room, feeding him, pushing him to start walking, helping him to the bathroom, helping clean him, etc. I was incredibly lucky that during these 12 days, I spent so much time with my mom (Amma) and got a chance to observe her closely, maybe for the first time as an adult. And I was totally amazed. To me, hitherto she had appeared to be fairly scatterbrained and always dependent on my father for taking any decision or even for any day-to-day activity. For instance, she didn’t know how to operate a bank account, how to draw money from an ATM, how to use a credit card or even how to cross a road. So protected was she by her husband, well meaning and obviously from a different era and mindset. So I had expected Amma to be in pieces when dad was hospitalised. Especially on day three when the doctor informed us that dad had taken a turn for the worse and anything could happen. Over the years, going through many downturns myself, has taught me how to handle tough situations, by keeping the mind firmly on the solution and not on the problem. Even then, I couldn’t help but dwell on the worst possible outcome and almost ended up in tears. I thought Amma would break down completely. But she surprised me. Even though she understood the full import of what was happening, she bounced back fast. I realised that throughout the ordeal, she was tapping the biggest strength that she ever had – love and compassion. Every single time she stepped out of the room, she would make a bunch of friends – from the nurses who took care of our floor, to the sweepers and cleaners to the security guard to the lift operator to the cafeteria server, each and every person she would enquire after them, prioritising their well-being in the moment, creating an envelope of warmth everywhere she went. By day two, all of them would be, in turn, smiling at her and asking after her and dad’s health. She must have made about 25-30 friends in those 12 days. With her, it was not a superficial act. She felt deep compassion for each of them. I realised that she never felt alone in the world. She had a huge family everywhere she went. For me, who delivers talks on creating positivity and happiness, this was not only an affirmation and proof of the efficacy of my messaging, it was also a lesson in how to take it to the next level. Thus, at the age of 73, my mother taught a valuable lesson in motivation to me, a 48-year-old, successful motivational speaker and compulsive gyan-giver: the lesson that deep compassion and acts of kindness always keep the giver happy and positive. I guess it is never too late to learn, if you follow the time-tested scientific method of observation, collection of data, hypothesis, experiment, and proof. You can also learn from anyone and any incident if you keep your eyes and mind wide open.

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